Like I stated before I remember never seeing my Mother drink. Funny I never hardly saw her eat either. Mother was small 4'11 and maybe weighed 100 pounds. She drank alot of coffee and smoked alot. I remember seeing her in the bathroom sticking her fingers down her throat to make herself throw up. She always told me she was sick at her stomach, She did that ALOT. I was unaware at the time what Bullimia was. Years later when I recalled this to my sister Marsha she said 'Oh yes, Mother was bullimic". Wow that explains alot.
Mother not only drank in secret she took sleeping pills. I remember bottle with little yellow capsules in her lingere drawer. Mother had people get her these. Her friend Effie who lived in a shack with rooms and trailers filled to the celing with old musty moldy clothes and shoes. We would spend hours at her house and mother and we would play penuckle and Effie would sew me costumes to wear. They were sweet folks Slim and Effie but my Daddy did not like them, I realize they were enablers and supported my Mother's drinking and pill taking and stories I am sure she told of being mistreated,
I remember Mother going to Daddy's car lot when he was not there and seeing a man that worked for him and got the little bottle of yellow pills from him too. Why were these people doing this? What did she say to them? What did she do? My next memory came back several month's ago and I think I know somethings she did to get these.
All her and Daddy's friends I call Uncle this and Aunt that, Even the plumber was Uncle Keith, He was such a nice man. When he would come and work on the plunbing he would let me watch and tell me what he was doing. Years later when my Daddy died he was the only person that came to the gravesite service along with family. That always touched me he did that.
There was an old timey Drug Store on Sherwood Way in San Angelo when I was little Mother would take me to and get me a soda or sundae and let me sit at the big counter on a stool. I would drink my soda or eat my ice cream and read the magazines there while she went to the back with the owner. I know I may sit there 30 minutes or more but was told to stay so I did. I do not know what went on in the back room with this man and my mother but she left with what she wanted, I am sure he got something in return to from her. I will never ever know.
Then there was the weird and strange memory I have of Mother showing me her body. Her breasts were saggy and droppy from taking a medicine she told me to dry up her milk after I was born. I remember them looking like deflated balloons. She showed me what a vagina looked liked. Wow was that an ugly thing. She never had me touch her and she never touched me just showed me and for some reason I remember holding a mirror and looking at myself down there, That had to be the ugliest thing I had ever seen, That is my Vagina?YUCK. Why did she do this?How did affect me later in life? I know I do not like to look at my body and have always been self concious of my body and how it looked. Another experience to warp a young mind.
But she did have a Motherly side that came out at times. She was my Mother,The Mother life dealt me, I loved her. Did I have a choice? Why could I not have the uncrazy Mother of most of my friends??
I can remember a Mother who loved to fix my long hair and dress me up. She would let me have her used red lipstick and red rouge to play with. She would make a pallet on the floor and we would watch TV and movies and eat ham sandwiches with mayo and pepper, Funny I she always ended up giving me hers and ate mine. Mother's always tasted better.I loved her letting me watch the 9 o clock movie on KTVT each night. When the 10 o clock news would come on she would have me close my eyes to rest until the movie came back on. I do not think I ever saw the endings of many of these movies till years later. Johnny Belinda, Imatation of Life and others were her favorites.I loved watching movies with her and her telling me all about the actors.I have many pictures of her with the Cisco Kid and Pancho and her and the set. I love and cherish when we would watch the Cisco Kid and she might see her self in a scene and show me.
Mother had something I unfortunatly inherited from her. Arthritis.She had rheumatoid like her Mother. Her hands and knuckles were red and twisted. She still would draw and loved to sketch. I have a few of her sketches. Marsha and I both got our drawing and painting talent from her. Thank you Mother for that. Oh I never called her Mom or Mama or Mommy. It was always Mother. I called Marsha just sister when I was little and not till I was much older call her by her name.
No matter what when we would go out Mother would dress up and put on makeup. I enjoyed watching her. She died her hair Lucy red and would curl it and wear it long. Folks would always comment on her hair. Maybe that is why I wear my hair long and curled who knows?
She would watch my favorite shows with me; we would watch The Monkees and then Here Come The Brides. She thought the Teen Idols I loved were as cute as I did. The Teen Idols of my youth helped me escape to a world that I needed......
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